Jane Kerrison

I’m rather excited today because I actually woke up feeling a bit refreshed this morning, which is not something that happens often. It’s about time though, because I’ve been sleeping so much lately! I’ve either been sleeping, or lying down trying not to fall asleep! I took two sleeping pills this week (I don’t usually take two so close together) and in two nights slept about 24 hours!

Another reason I’m happy is that I got a faculty supervisor for an independent essay project that I want to do next year. The reason I write about it here is that I am planning to develop a thesis based on Canadian and American poetry that looks at illness and disability. I think that it will be an incredibly rewarding experience. Over the summer I will be compiling a list of poets to look at, so if any of you know anyone that I should check out, please let me know!

Now, for an update on Operation Meditation! I’ve been trying to meditate for three days now. Even in this very short time, I’ve had a few different results.

Day 1 was filled with a lot of scepticism, and I managed only a few minutes. However, afterward I had the most fabulous night of sleep ever, which prompted me to continue in my efforts.

Day 2 was considerably more successful. At first I just sat and felt my foot fall asleep, but I managed to achieve a much deeper level of calm, and when I opened my eyes, I realized that more time had passed than I thought (which I think is a good sign).

Day 3 was possibly even less successful than Day 1. My head was running on overdrive, but my body was exhausted. Between the two, I couldn’t really summon the effort to try to calm and clear my mind.

My biggest obstacle so far (other than a full and buzzing mind) is that when I sit for even a few minutes, my mid back gets really stiff and painful. It is so bad that I can’t possibly hope to ignore it. I don’t know that seated meditation was developed with fibromyalgia in mind… For now I’ve tried to combat it by sitting against a wall, in hopes of taking some of the pressure off my back. It doesn’t entirely work, so I’m considering trying a different position. So that’s Operation Meditation so far – I’ll keep you posted.