A Disappearing Act
Okay, I am finally back! I wanted to use this blog to document all aspects of life with fibromyalgia, but last week I just completely and totally bailed. Waiting for the results from the doctor became so so very stressful for me, and I didn’t want to write about it on here because admitting it you would have meant admitting it to me, and I was trying so hard not to think about how scared I was (trying and failing miserably I might add!).
If I had been writing last week, the summary of each day’s post would have been the same: “I am losing my mind because I am so scared”. Anyone who has waited for any sort of significant medical result will tell you the same thing – it freaks you out. The longer you have to wait, the worse it gets, and the more likely it is that your mind will start playing tricks on you (ie. you’ll become convinced that you have some deathly illness). I’m seriously though, waiting for test results turns even the most level headed person into a hypochondriac.
After seriously apologizing for freaking me out so much and informing me that I probably have an anxiety disorder (yeah, I self-diagnosed that one a long time ago. That’s not news to me.), my doctor and I went over my blood results.
The thing I was most concerned about was my ANA levels (Anti-Nuclear Antibodies). From what I understand, these are inflammation markers that, if elevated, could indicate the development of an immune or inflammatory disorder. My levels have been just a bit above borderline for awhile, but remarkably, now they are not only down, they are negative! So that was awesome, awesome news.
Most of the rest of the results were inconclusive or just “interesting” (which means “a little strange, but it doesn’t tell us anything useful”). So I have to play the wait and see game for awhile (I chose that option over throwing a bunch of medication at mysterious symptoms that may just go away) but it was really the possibility of developing an immune disorder that scared me most.
Now, don’t get me wrong, a significant number of people with immune disorders live wonderful lives, but there would be a lot of adjustments to make, and it would mean more serious medication etc. In short, I did not desire to undergo another period of adjusting to an illness.
Another reason it took me so long to write is that I got a massive cold near the middle of last week, and I have pretty much been sleeping for the past few days (I think I had three naps on Thursday!). Luckily, it seems to be letting up a bit.
So I’ve been pretty overwhelmed lately, but I’m going to try and calm things down (and by things, I mean myself). I’m hoping to hit a better balance this week by leaving more time for relaxing and de-stressing (something which I normally do, but which I completely failed to do last week because I was freaking out/ feeling so awful).
Summary: Things were really awful. Now I’m trying to make them better again :)
